


the years mirrored in your eyes

by sepgu_96line



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Slight Insecurity, Swearing, but they’re really stupid too, taeyang is done with them, they’re really soft for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:21:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23103904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sepgu_96line/pseuds/sepgu_96line
Summary: Juho had always loved the word friend. He loved hearing that from his own friends, from new acquaintances, he just loved it. Kim Seokwoo changed that for him.***********In which they’re both dumbasses and Taeyang’s just Done ™
Relationships: Baek Juho | Zuho/Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	the years mirrored in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> First time ever I’m writing about sf9 and it’s about these two idiots clsnvlsvnslc i hope you guys like it :)

Juho always loved hearing the word friend. He always adored the word as a kid and the feeling seemed to grow as he did. As the years passed by, he found himself loving the word more and more, especially if it was directed at him. He loved it when people said that they enjoyed being his friend, that they wanted to be his friend, that he was a good friend. Friend, friend, friend. Such a beautiful word to those who heard it. However, he wasn't all that fond of that word nowadays. Hearing that word was like hearing a broken record now and he didn't like that. Who did he have to thank for changing his mind? Kim Seokwoo.  
  
Seokwoo had been Juho's best friend for almost 8 years entering 2019. They started off as knowing each other as fellow trainees to becoming close friends. Juho had always admired Seokwoo. He admired him for his hard work and dedication, he admired him for his kindness, he admired him for standing strong with what he believed in. He always believed that his admiration was one that was strictly professional. It wasn't until one day that he realized that it really wasn't.

They were both training their asses off, both extremely tired and on the brink of passing out. Juho was in an even worse condition than Seokwoo. For the past few days, he had found himself being unable to sleep, only sleeping at 4 a.m. and getting only 3 hours of sleep. He was sleep deprived and just couldn't stand anymore, but they needed to settle this one dance routine. _Just this one routine_ , he had told himself in midst of dancing. His body was feeling weak, his mind wasn't even there anymore, his soul felt like it was about to leave his body any second. As soon as they finished, his knees gave out and he instantly fell to the ground. He could hear someone calling his name, but wasn't sure as to whom. All that he knew was that his head was being cradled by someone and that person was panicking. He tried to crack his eyes open to ensure the person holding him that he was fine, except that he was very clearly not. He managed to get a quick glimpse of Seokwoo's worried face scanning his face before his sight turned dark.

The first thing that he noticed when he regained consciousness was the feeling of something warm and soft holding his hand loosely. The next thing was his surroundings. He wasn't back at the dorm. He was somewhere completely foreign yet familiar. Juho tried sitting up, wincing a little when he felt his head spinning like a top from sitting up quite abruptly. He looked down to the warmth in his hand and saw Seokwoo sitting in a chair at the side of his bed, fast asleep with his head resting on the bed while his hand held Juho's like he was afraid that he might lose Juho. The warmth in his hand spread to his chest, making him feel like his heart was expanding and was very close to combusting. Seokwoo looked so gentle when he was sleeping and it made Juho feel bad when he thought that Seokwoo was probably worried about him. He moved his other hand to pat the younger's head, letting his fingers feel the softness of his dark brown locks.

Seokwoo stirred a little in his sleep for a few minutes before he finally sat up slowly, eyes blinking owlishly at Juho. His eyes grew wide when he realized that Juho was definitely staring back at him with a smile painted on his face. "You're awake," he stated in shock.

"Yeah, I am," replied Juho, taking this moment to look around. "Where am I exactly?"

"In a hospital," yawned Seokwoo.

"Say what now."

Seokwoo raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah. You passed out after we practiced yesterday."

"Yester- Shit, I was out for a whole day?!"

Seokwoo merely nodded as a response. Juho slumped back against his bed with a shocked look plastered on his face. He couldn't believe that he was actually unconscious for the whole day. He felt bad that he had wasted one of his training days. He knew how even messing up just one day could ruin everything. Just as he was about to beat himself up with the thought that he had caused trouble for the others, Seokwoo gave his hand a light squeeze. "The others are okay, Juho," he said as if he was reading Juho's mind. "They're worried about you is all."

Juho felt like he was about to break, but he was unsure for what reason. Was it because he was so stressed about debuting? Or maybe it was because he was so worried about wanting to not disappoint others? Whatever the reason was, he just didn't care anymore. All that he knew was that he needed to let it out. And so he did. He cried his eyes out there and then, right in front of Seokwoo. He wanted to hold it back like he had always done, but he knew that once he started crying, it would take some time for him to stop. No matter how much he muffled his cries, they just wouldn't stop. Retracting his hand from Seokwoo's, he buried his face in his hands in a desperate motion to stop his crying.

_Why can't I stop? God, please, I need to stop crying. I can't be weak. I have to be strong-_ His thoughts came to halt when a pair of arms was wrapped around his body, holding him close against the person's chest.

"Just cry," he heard Seokwoo say, his chest vibrating while the words left his mouth. They were two simple words, but to Juho, it meant everything. It meant that he was allowed to let go, to express himself in a way that wasn't happiness in front of someone that wasn't his family. They were the two words that he desperately needed to hear at the moment. And so he cried.

Seokwoo rubbed small circles on his back, giving him comfort while he gave small hiccups in midst of crying. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" asked Seokwoo, his voice soft and honey-like. Juho nodded his head against Seokwoo's chest, gripping at the younger's shirt as if scared that he might be just his imagination. He emptied his worries to Seokwoo, his words tumbling in between choked sobs. Throughout the entire time, Seokwoo just held him close and whispered gentle comforting words, encouraging him to let it all out.

After Juho had let it all out, they remained in that position in silence, giving them both time to rest from what just happened. Seokwoo's hand had trailed up to Juho's blonde locks, stroking them in a comforting manner. "You feel a bit better?" he asked to break the silence that was in no way uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Juho sniffled.

"You're crashing on my bed as soon as we get back."

Juho looked up at him with puffy yet confused eyes. "Huh?"

"I'm not gonna let you sleep on your bed because knowing you, you're gonna say that you're fine and not sleep again."

Juho cursed him silently for knowing him so well. That had been his strategy because although he had told Seokwoo a lot, there were still some stuff that he kept to himself and he was definitely going to beat himself up using that instead of sleeping. He buried his face in the crook of Seokwoo's neck and mumbled out a soft "fine", knowing that his best friend would put up a fight if he had said no.

*************

Juho was discharged from the hospital the day after. The doctor ran some tests to see if he was alright and advised him to rest for a couple of days before going back to his normal schedule. Seokwoo wouldn't leave his side for a single second. He was always clinging on to Juho, literally, just to make sure that the older didn't run off anywhere that he couldn't see. If his arms wren't wrapped around his arm or shoulders, he would hold onto Juho's sleeve. He looked so serious while he talked to the doctor, listening to the instructions given.

Cute, Juho thought, looking up at his friend with a smile. He turned his head in an instant when he realised what he had just thought to himself. He had thought that Seokwoo was cute. That was bad news for him. It wasn't the fact that he might be gay was what scared him, he was already aware that he was the gayest person in their company. No. It was that he might be gay for his best friend. Seokwoo was tugging at his sleeve and it didn't help him with thinking that the taller was extremely cute.

He tried shaking off that thought and turned to the doctor, trying to listen what was being said. Another tug. Nope. He couldn't focus. He was just going to have to rely on Seokwoo to relay the instructions because his mind was definitely not there.

He was so busy fiddling with the hem of his hoodie that he didn't notice that their conversation with the doctor had ended until Seokwoo tugged on his sleeve again, catching his attention. He turned to Seokwoo with owlish eyes and let out a small "huh?", earning a stifled laugh from the taller male. Seokwoo cleared his throat and said, "We're heading back now."

"Oh," was all he said as a response. Seokwoo raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing, instead thanking the doctor and dragging his friend away.

The trip back to their dorm was suspiciously silent and Juho knew that it bothered Seokwoo, but he had no idea what to say. His mind was too clouded by the image of Seokwoo tugging at his sleeve, Seokwoo pouting when Juho had gone roaming around the hospital without him, Seokwoo looking at him with a smile that outshone the stars in the sky. Seokwoo, Seokwoo, Seokwoo. Seokwoo was the only thought in his mind and he desperately wanted to believe that it was normal, that he wasn't slowly falling for his best friend.

Juho knew that Seokwoo could sense something was wrong with him because the second that they arrived at the front door of their dorm, Seokwoo had grabbed him by his arm, looking at him with worry in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked. Juho looked up at him to answer but found that looking up straight into his eyes was a bad idea. The taller's eyes sparkled and glittered like they held the stars, the golden flecks that decorated his eyes highlighting the dark coloured irises. Juho was mesmerised. He had never seen his best friend's eyes this close and they looked absolutely beautiful. He already knew that his best friend was good looking, but he never knew that he was _this_ stunning.

"Your eyes are really pretty," he mumbled to himself, jaw still agape at Seokwoo's beauty.

"Huh?" Juho snapped out of his trance when he realised what he had said, seeing that Seokwoo had a confused look on his face. In a panicked state, Juho tried putting on a smile to cover his anxiety.

"I'm fine, Seok. Don't worry about me," he said.

Seokwoo pouted, a light shade of pink that seemed to brush past Juho's mind began to dust his cheeks. "Don't call me that," he whined while fishing for his keys in his pockets.Though he couldn't see the blush painted prettily on Seokwoo's face, the older still felt his stomach do a double take at the pout given. His own cheeks were coloured in light pink as he grinned at how bashful his friend was.

"What? Seok?" he teased.

The taller male shoved his friend into their dorm the second that the door opened. "Shut up."

Juho laughed. "What's wrong with calling you Seok?"

"It's the first time you've given me a nickname, you dickhead. It's the first time anyone has given me a nickname," he mumbled out the last part, hoping that Juho couldn't hear it.

"Awww, are you flustered?"

"Seriously, dude. I won't hesitate to smack you."

"I mean like, you always smack my ass so I don't see any difference." Seokwoo let out an exasperated, and if he had to admit it, exaggerated, gasp. Juho gave a hearty laugh when he gasped.

"Baek Juho. I so don't."

"You do. You really do." From the corner of his eye, Juho could see Seokwoo smiling at him softly, joy written clearly on his face. He felt his stomach do flips again.

"You're not getting all sappy on me now, are you?" he joked. The taller groaned jokingly.

"And he's back."

*******************

Juho got a lot of questions from the other members the moment his presence was made aware. Thankfully, Seokwoo was there to brush off the questions, convincing the members that he needed some time to open up. It was true in a way. He needed time to open up to the other members, but he was willing to open up to Seokwoo if the taller was willing to listen.

The full moon was visible from the window in Juho and Seokwoo's shared room, shining brilliantly as if intending to blind anyone who laid eyes on it. Juho wished that was the case because he really didn't want to see Seokwoo right now. He was fine with talking to him, but he didn't want to see him. Why? Because he knew that Seokwoo always slept with his pyjamas on, and now that he had this newfound emotion, he was terrified that he might just wanna hold Seokwoo close and cuddle him. He was scared that he would grow comfortable with that feeling and will end up hurting himself again. He had gone through that during high school, he didn't need it when he was all grown up. But at the same time, he wanted to talk to Seokwoo about this. He didn't want to have to hide something like this from his own best friend.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone entering his room, the sound of the door creaking startling him. Juho whipped his head in the direction of the door to see who it was and regretted it immediately. Standing by the door with phone in one hand and the other holding the towel that was resting on his shoulder, Seokwoo looked adorable with his white pyjamas.

The light from the hallway seemed to cast an angelic glow on him, making Juho look at the younger in complete awe. He was grateful that he had decided to sit on Seokwoo's bed, which was placed at the other end of the room, early because there was no way to hide the blush that was growing on his cheeks.

Seokwoo was looking down at his phone with a scowl on his face, clearly upset with whatever it was that was sent to him. He swiped at the screen a few times before looking up, making direct eye contact with Juho. He grinned when he saw that the older was already sitting at the edge of the bed. "Hey," he said before placing his towel on a nearby chair, making his way towards the bed. Juho scooted over to make room for the younger to sit next to him. The taller just looked at him and said nothing when he had sat down next to Juho.

"Are we gonna reenact a scene from a drama or something? 'Cause this seems like some soap opera shit right here," said Juho, mostly to remove the uneasy feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

Seokwoo smacked his arm with a scowl, asking him to stop with the nonsense.Looking at him from up close, Juho saw that the taller had on pyjamas that had small kittens doodled on it. His raven black hair was damp even though he had so clearly dried it off, making it look fluffy enough for someone to run their hands through those locks and just be buried in the softness.

The dark circles under his eyes was what caught Juho's attention the most. When he had just woken up in the hospital, his mind was too fuzzy to notice that the dark circles were there and were very clear. Now that he was this close and completely conscious, he could see the dark circles that were results from him staying up late. Juho hoped that it wasn't because he was too busy taking care of him or being worried about him. The older smiled a sad smile. Not bothering to fight the urge to run his hand through the other's hair, he stroked Seokwoo's hair as if giving him his thanks and appreciation.

"Did you not take care of yourself while I was unconscious?" he asked. Seokwoo leaned into the touch, sighing with content.

"I did, don't worry," he replied. "I had some sleep before taking over from your mom for the night." It was as if he could tead the older's mind.

"How many hours exactly was your _some sleep?_ "

Seokwoo hummed in thought. "I think I slept at 4 and woke up at 6."

"God dammit, Seok. You must be exhausted now."

"No, I'm good." The yawn that escaped his mouth betrayed what he had just said.

"Mmhm, okay," Juho hummed, his free hand pushing Seokwoo to lie on the bed. He then laid next to the younger boy, lazily throwing his arm over Seokwoo's waist while the other still stroked his hair.

"Seriously, Juho, I'm fine."

"Yeah, I know. I believe you. It's just that I'm tired." It wasn't a complete lie but it wasn't also one hundred percent true. He was actually tired, but he was more worried about Seokwoo's lack of sleep. He wanted to make sure the taller male got as much rest as he deserved, and he knew that meant holding him down. Juho knew that he would never willingly do what Juho told him to, that brat, so he had the only one option. Holding Seokwoo tight, Juho prayed that the younger couldn't hear his heart pounding like crazy.

"Juho, what-"

"Just go to sleep, Seok."

"I thought I told you not to call me that." He could hear the pout when the other said it. He didn't need to see it to know it and just smiled at the thought.

"I'm gonna keep on calling you that and you can't stop me."

"..."

"..."

"Hey, Juho?"

"Yeah?"

"Turn off the lights. You're closer."

"Asshole, no I'm not."

"Please," Seokwoo whined. "I'm so lazy to get up."

"Fine. Only 'cause I'm feeling nice." He detached himself from Seokwoo and got up from the bed, hitting the light switch.

"You're always nice."

"I am not. I'm a menace to society, everyone fears me."

"By everyone do you mean bugs? 'Cause last time I checked _you're_ the one that's scared of them."

Juho landed on the bed with a thud, his waist immediately being trapped by Seokwoo's arms. The taller boy inched closer and buried his head in Juho's shoulder. "No I'm not! That's _you_ ," Juho protested.

He felt Seokwoo nodding against him. "Bugs _are_ disgusting fuckers, let's be honest. They can either crawl all over you with their infinite amount of legs or they can fly and attack you from an aerial view. They're gross." His words were slurred and laced with sleep, and Juho found it impossible to not laugh. He went back to running his hand through the dark locks of his friend, lulling him to sleep with the gentle massage. Once he confirmed that Seokwoo was asleep by hearing his light snores, he let himself drift off into a deep slumber.

***************

That was back in the early months of 2016. When Juho had woken up the following day with Seokwoo wrapped in his arms looking so calm and adorable, he had made it his mission to never tell the younger of his feelings. 2019 Juho however, was dying to let it all out.

When he had decided to put a label on what he felt, he knew that he was playing a dangerous game. He knew that it was risky if he had feelings for his own band member, but he figured that one day it might go away, that it was just a fleeting crush. He even went on several blind dates, but none of them managed to take his breath away like Seokwoo did. They were all stuck up pricks who thought they were better than him just because he's an idol. There were some that were sweet, but they never really passed the standard that Juho had set too incredibly high. He hated that he had set it so high after falling for Seokwoo. It was impossible now for him to find anyone, because no one was a match for him if he was being honest.

Seokwoo himself wasn't helping him with his feelings as of late. Juho had managed to gotten himself hurt mid of 2018, and all was fine up until February 2019. He had gotten hurt so bad that the doctor had told him that he couldn't join in for the group's promotion for Narcissus. He was upset about it and he made very little effort to hide it from Seokwoo. He hid it well from the others but let himself be vulnerable in front of his friend of 7 years, soon to be 8. He wasn't expecting his friend to do much, though. He knew that the man was very busy with their new album and just hoped that the younger was willing to listen to him rant about how boring it was to not do any promoting.

He was definitely not expecting Seokwoo to come over to his studio every day. He wasn't even exaggerating it. Around 9 p.m. every day, he would hear Seokwoo's voice ringing in his studio, letting him know that the taller was around. He would always stay the night, crashing on Juho's couch that was too small for him, and left the next morning before Juho woke up, breakfast all set up on the small dining table that he had.

Juho had jokingly asked Seokwoo that one time while they were watching television if he had an alarm set just to visit him or something. The taller had blinked at him with wide eyes like he was shocked that Juho had unraveled a secret. "How did you know?" he asked. It was Juho's turn to look shocked, but amused all the same.

"Wait, you really do?" he asked.

Seokwoo chuckled. "Yeah, it's just usually to remind the guys that I'm heading over to your place. You know how they can get so absorbed in practice that they don't even notice the time."

Juho nodded, completely understanding what the other meant. He rested his head against his tall friend's shoulder, enjoying how the other moved his hand up to stroke his hair. He had let it go back to it's natural colour, missing the original state of his hair. That and also because Seokwoo had once said that he liked Juho's hair black. He said that it made the older look gentler than he usually did, which was saying something.

"Why do you visit me every day?" he asked before letting his brain fully process the question and the words. Seokwoo looked down at him in question, an eyebrow arched high.

"Because you're my friend?" Seokwoo answered in confusion. Juho removed himself from the taller man's shoulder, looking straight up into his eyes, the same eyes that he had fallen for a little over 3 years ago. They still shone in the same way they did 3 years ago, but in those same eyes also held the years that they had gone through. They had already entered their third year of being official idols, but still no first win. It upset Juho a little if he was being honest, but he also knew that he had to be patient. Good things come to those who wait, as they said.

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," he said with a smirk, earning an eye roll from Seokwoo. "But aren't you busy with the promotions right now? And you can't lie to me saying that you're not tired because I can see it on your face, Seok. I've been your best friend for almost 8 years."

"Exactly why I come over every day."

"Huh?"

"You're my best friend, Juho. You've always been and always will be, so it doesn't matter if I'm tired from all of the promotions. After my family, you'll always come first. It's always been you and will always be _you_. Even if I end up dating someone, you'll always be my priority. Because you're my best friend and I can't imagine my life without my best friend. Ever."

To most people, Seokwoo's speech would've moved them to tears, joy filling them up by the words said by their best friend. It moved Juho to tears alright, but the tears were also filled with heartbreak, because he knew that's all that they were and that's all that they'll ever be. Best friends. Juho wanted to keep Seokwoo close to him and he really didn't mind if it meant being just his best friend, but it didn't mean that he wouldn't feel any pain. It was only natural of him to feel heartbreak because he knew where the line should be drawn.

His eyes began to well up with tears, not once did he decide to break eye contact with the taller man. Seokwoo's face turned into one that was panic as he frantically moved his arms around, unsure on what he should do to calm Juho down. Forcing a smile on his face, the older laughed half-heartedly. "They're happy tears, dumbass," he said. Seokwoo relaxed a little at the words.

"Never scare me like that again," he said, leaning back into the couch before draping an arm over Juho's shoulder, pulling the older closer. Juho leaned into Seokwoo, trying to enjoy the feeling of being close to the one guy that he had been in love for the past 4 years, but at the moment, all he felt was sorrow. He didn't dare to speak, fearing that he might actually cry in front of Seokwoo, so he simply nodded.

********************

Seokwoo stayed over the next day seeing as he had no schedule. As much as he loved the younger staying over, even staying for the entire day, he needed some time to calm himself from the emotions that he felt, but he couldn't just kick Seokwoo out, he didn't want to. He wanted Seokwoo to stay, but he also needed to clear his mind from Seokwoo. So he came up with the next best thing.

"Hey, how about we call over the guys?" he said to Seokwoo over breakfast. "I haven't seen them in a while and I need to talk to Taeyang about a new song." If Juho was focusing on Seokwoo's face, he would've seen the smile that was on his face slipping for a split second before it was forced back on.

"Sure! I'll call Youngbin to tell them to come over," said Seokwoo, stabbing into his scrambled eggs with more force than intended. He was putting up quite a fight with his food and it was obvious even to Juho. The older looked up from his eggs and waffles, arching an eyebrow at Seokwoo.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," the taller answered with a smile. "Just a little tired, I guess."

"Dumbass. I told you that you can crash on my bed, the couch isn't that comfortable." He went back to poking at his waffles.

"I'm fine with sleeping on the couch, Juho. Don't worry."

Juho could tell that he was far from fine. Not entirely sure if he was acting this way because of the couch or something else, Juho decided to not pester him with more questions and went back to eating his breakfast.

*************

"JUHO!!" Taeyang's voice echoed through Juho's house as soon as all seven of them arrived. He frantically took off his shoes and dashed to the living room where Juho was sitting on his couch, surfing through the channels on the television. He attacked the older with the gentlest bear hug that he could give, knocking Juho's breath out of his body while he gripped onto the older's white shirt tightly. Juho let out a low choked chuckle, returning the hug and stroking the younger's hair. Taeyang buried his face in the crook of Juho's neck.

"Did you miss me that much?" Juho asked. Taeyang nodded his head, grip still strong on Juho.

"The stage feels so empty without you," he mumbled.

"Just the stage?"

"... no.."

Another chuckle left Juho's lips. "Wow, I didn't get this kind of treatment when I was gone," he heard Seokwoo say. Looking up from Taeyang, he saw that the taller man had attached himself to Chani as soon as the youngest had arrived. Juho's heart clenched a little at the sight. He hated that there was even an effect, and that it came from the youngest of the group being attached to Seokwoo, but it was there nonetheless. He had told himself countless of times that he shouldn't be jealous, that he had no right to be jealous. He was just friends with Seokwoo, there was nothing more. Why should he be jealous?

Youngbin's voice snapped him back to the present. "Come on now, Seokwoo," he said in his usual gentle tone, setting down a plastic bag filled with what Juho assumed to be groceries on the dining table when he entered the studio. "You know that Juho's condition is different from yours."

"I was just joking," Seokwoo said, pouting.

"I know you were." The pout stayed on Seokwoo's lips and Juho really wanted to go up to him and kiss that pout away. Seokwoo's eyes landed on him and Taeyang, making him look back down at the younger that was in his arms.

"Taeyang, I think you're crushing the man," Seokwoo said, resting his chin on the top of Chani's head. Taeyang was in the process of whining in protest but Juho waved at Seokwoo, telling him that it was alright, that he missed the younger anyways and wanted to cuddle with him for a bit.

"What about us, Juho?" Jaeyoon's voice was heard as the remaining members entered his studio with plastic bags in their hands.

"Sorry, Juho is reserved only for me," Taeyang said, lifting his head for a minuscule of a second before going back to resting his head on Juho's chest.

"Come on, Yoo Taeyang. Give us a turn as well," Sanghyuk said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"It's no use, Sanghyuk," said Youngkyun. "You know how clingy he gets when it comes to Juho."

"True," said Inseong, earning a glare from Sanghyuk. Inseong merely shrugged his shoulders. "Youngkyun isn't wrong now, is he?" Sanghyuk let out an exasperated sigh, not bothering to even try to remove Taeyang from Juho.

"Alright, guys," said Youngbin. "We said that we'd cook something for Juho now, didn't we?"

"Say what now?" Juho asked with a hint of panic heard in his voice, raising an eyebrow at their leader. Youngbin looked back at him with a smirk on his face, nodding at the younger rapper. The others seemed to have been made aware of this plan, making Juho panic even more. He knew that his members weren't exactly the most capable when it came to cooking, that they could only really depend on Seokwoo when it came to homemade cooking.

Juho tried moving from his seat, but was held down by Taeyang. Usually he would have no problem with picking up Taeyang to get up from his seat, but with his lower back problem, he couldn't do it. And he knew that Taeyang knew it as well.

"Taeyang, can you please get off for a moment?" Juho begged, holding the sides of the younger as if to tell Taeyang that he would not hesitate to tickle the dancer.

"Just stay like that, Taeyang. Make sure he doesn't get up," said Sanghyuk, a grin breaking out on his face. "Come on, guys! Let's get to it."

The others joined Sanghyuk as they made their way to Juho's kitchen, grabbing the groceries that they had placed on the dining table when they arrived. Juho tried moving again, but decided against it when he heard the young dancer snoring lightly on his chest. He looked down and saw that Taeyang was fast asleep, his chest rising and falling at a normal pace. Sighing, he called Seokwoo over to him in a hushed tone. Seokwoo detached himself from Chani and walked towards his friend that was currently trapped underneath their main dancer.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Make sure they don't burn down my kitchen," Juho whispered. "I still wanna live, you know."

Seokwoo let out the heartiest laugh that Juho had ever heard. His laughter was contagious, making Juho break out a smile in midst of his panicking."God dammit, Seok, it's not that funny," he said, smacking his friend's arm with a huge smile plastered on his face.

"It is, though," said Seokwoo, grinning. Juho pouted at the taller, making Seokwoo bend down and ruffle his hair. "Alright, alright. I'll watch over them while they cook, don't worry."

"You'd better." Seokwoo waved at him and went into the kitchen, latching himself on to Chani again. Juho watched intently as Seokwoo laughed at something stupid Sanghyuk had done.

"You're so obvious, you know," he heard Taeyang say. Looking down at the younger, he saw that Taeyang was looking up at him with the widest grin that it looked like he was about to split his face in two with that grin.

"What're you talking about?" Juho asked, knowing what Taeyang was about to say to him.

"You, Seokwoo," he said. "You like him, he likes you. You're like newlyweds with your heart eyes and all."

"I mean like, you got one of it right, but that's only because you know."

Taeyang shook his head in disagreement. "It's not just that. The way you look at him is already one thing, it's also the way he looks at you. He looks so in love when we talk about you, like he'll go on one of his long stories about the days that you were both trainees, the things that you two did together. Man is head over heels for you that even Youngbin can see it. And you know that Youngbin is the dumbest out of all of us."

"That's not nice."

"Hey, it's not my fault the man's like that. Remember when we were planning a birthday party for him and it was so obvious, but he thought that we were setting up a place to do a vlive with fans."

Juho recalled the memory, nodding in agreement.

"So you know it's clear that he likes you even when Youngbin sees it."

"..."

"Even you can't deny it."

"Go to sleep, Taeyang."

*************

The members didn't burn down his studio, which was supposed to be good news, but Juho couldn't keep his mind off what Taeyang had said to him. He wanted to believe it, that Seokwoo really did reciprocate his feelings, that Seokwoo had as much pride in him like he had in Seokwoo, but it just seemed too impossible.

Seokwoo could sense that Juho was being a little distant, and it confused him. Juho had been confusing him the entirety of the day. Seokwoo had planned on just staying at the older's studio and watch a movie together, cuddling a little while doing so. But then Juho decided to invite the guys over, so that idea was already out of the window. Now, Juho was attached to Taeyang's hip and refusing to even look at Seokwoo. He talked and laughed with the other members like normal but said not even a word to Seokwoo, and it drove the younger crazy.

Juho's head was a mess, so he refused to let his head control his body, leaving him to do things that he realised he would regret instantly after doing it. At first, he had wrapped himself around Taeyang and dragged the young dancer to lie down on top of him on the couch, which seemed pretty normal to the other members. Then, his brain wasn't exactly connected to his mouth, because what came out of his mouth was definitely something that he wanted to take with him to his grave.

"I like someone," he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a lazy manner, his mind not processing fully the sentence he just uttered. When his brain was finally done with the buffering, his eyes grew wide from the shock. He knew that he had screwed himself over royally, and that he didn't need to look down at Taeyang that was in his arms to know that he was grinning from ear to ear.

Looking around, he tried to scan the looks on his members' faces. They all look completely unfazed except for Seokwoo, who had his jaw hanging, stopping midway from snatching the cookie that Chani had sneakily taken. It was extremely quiet, not a single one of them making even a peep, until, "What??" exclaimed Seokwoo.

"Thank you," Juho sighed.

"We knew, Juho," said Chani, stuffing the cookie in his face before Seokwoo could notice it. Everyone nodded in agreement, even Taeyang who was still lying on top of Juho. Juho smacked Taeyang's arm, earning a groan from the younger.

"I didn't know," said Seokwoo, pouting at his best friend. It was clear to Juho that he was hurt and it pained him to see the look on the younger's face, but it wasn't like he could tell him about it. "Who is it?" Seokwoo asked, the pout not leaving his face. He looked around, hoping to get an answer from the other members.

"Well, will you look at the time!" Sanghyuk exclaimed out of the blue. "It's getting late and we've gotta head home now."

"What?" asked Youngbin, glancing down at the watch on his wrist. "But it's only 9 p.m. that's not exactly-"

" _Youngbin_ ," pressed Sanghyuk. "It's _late_. And we need to get going. _Seokwoo_ needs to look after _Juho_ and get up early tomorrow. Let's not _bother_ them."

Juho could see the words slowly process in Youngbin's head and prayed that he insisted that they stayed. Unfortunately, luck just wasn't on Juho's side. Youngbin's face lit up like a lightbulb when he finally got what Sanghyuk was trying to tell him and said "aahh" aloud. He nodded his head vigorously, saying that they had a busy schedule tomorrow. Seokwoo tilted his head to the side in confusion. "We have a schedule tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yeah, the manager told us before we came here," said Jaeyoon before Youngbin could say anything.

Everyone started to get up, already saying their goodbyes to the duo. Taeyang started to get up, but Juho pulled him back down. "Please don't go," he whispered to Taeyang.

"Don't worry, Juho," said Taeyang, patting Juho's arms that were wrapped around him, slowly peeling them off him. "I'll be back tomorrow. That is, if you haven't confessed to him that is." He whispered the last part in Juho's ear, removing himself from the older. Turning to Juho, he gave a wink before saying, "Give me a call if anything happens." With that, he trailed after the other members that had left, waving goodbye at Juho and hugging Seokwoo before running out the door.

****************

Seokwoo and Juho were left alone again, but this time there was more tension in the air. It made Juho feel like he was suffocating, and he really wanted to escape from this situation, but where would he run to? This was his own home and he wasn't exactly in a state where he could escape.

Closing the door, Seokwoo turned back to Juho with his lips pressed tightly together, his arms crossed over his chest as a way to tell his best friend that he was upset. "So," he started. "Who is it?" Juho gulped.

"I can't tell you," he said. Seokwoo's eyebrows knitted together, his lower lip pushed out into a pout. Juho had to fight every fiber in his body from walking up to the taller and just kissing that pout off his face.

"Why not?" Seokwoo whined. Juho merely shook his head, his ears burning up at the tone that Seokwoo had used. "I just can't," he said. "Not yet, at least."

Seokwoo made his way to his friend, setting himself down next to the older. Scooting closer, he wrapped his arms tightly around Juho's waist, resting his head on the older's shoulder. "You'll still tell me, right?" he murmured.

No, I won't, was what Juho thought to himself, but his mouth said the complete opposite of what his mind did. Seokwoo nodded against him, burying his face in the crook of Juho's neck.

"When did you have your gay awakening?" he asked, catching Juho off guard. Juho was taken aback, but still hummed in thought.

"I think it was some time during high school?" he said. "I can't remember when specifically, but it was around that time." Seokwoo nodded his head slowly against Juho. The older ran his hand through the dark locks of hair that was just under his nose.

"Is your crush one of our members?" he tried.

"Kim Seokwoo," Juho said in a stern tone.

"Alright, alright."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Is it Taeyang?" Juho let out a hearty laugh followed by a loud snort.

"Taeyang?? Our Yoo Taeyang??" he asked in midst of his laughter, covering his mouth with his free hand to reduce the noise that left his mouth. Seokwoo huffed.

"Yes, our Taeyang," he said. "I mean, he's really good looking and he's hard working. He's such a sweet boy too."

"So are you," said Juho, before he quickly added, "And all of our other members."

"You sure it's not Taeyang?"

"I'm sure, Seok. It's not Tae."

"Fine." Comfortable silence followed as Juho went back to running his fingers through Seokwoo's hair, but a question was just itching at the back of Juho's mind.

"What about you?" he finally asked after a couple of minutes.

"Hmm?" Seokwoo hummed in question.

"When did you have your gay awakening?"

Seokwoo hummed again, this time in thought. "The moment that I saw you." Juho's hand froze momentarily before going back to stroking Seokwoo's hair, brushing off the taller man's statement as a joke.

"Haha, Seok," he said. "Real funny."

"I'm not kidding."

"Yeah, and I'm not allergic to corn." Seokwoo fell silent underneath Juho, making Juho's stomach curl. Stopping whatever it was that he was doing, he looked down at Seokwoo. The younger had a sad pout on his face and his eyes were glassy, tears threatening to leave his eyes and stain his cheeks.

"Fuck, you were actually serious," said Juho, panic setting in. He didn't have time to process the fact that Seokwoo had just made a confession to him, the only thing running in his mind was that he wanted to comfort his best friend. He tugged Seokwoo's sleeve, patting at his lap. "C'mere," he said.

"But-" Seokwoo started but was cut off immediately.

"God dammit, Seok, just climb on my lap." Hesitantly, Seokwoo crawled onto Juho's lap, his arms awkwardly laying by his sides. Sighing, Juho grabbed his arms and let them rest on the older's shoulders. Seokwoo refused to meet Juho's eyes, making the rapper sigh once more.

"Seok, look at me, for fuck's sake," he said. Seokwoo shook his head vigorously. Frustrated, Juho hooked a finger under Seokwoo's chin, forcing the younger to look at him. He scanned Seokwoo's face for a moment before leaning in, leaving just an inch for Seokwoo to back out if he wanted to. Seokwoo's breath was hot against his lips and that made it hard for him to think, to be rational. His eyes darted up to Seokwoo's eyes, down to his lips that were calling for Juho, then back up to his eyes. Seokwoo's eyes were hooded and sparkling with something that Juho had never seen before.

"I'm giving you a chance to back out if you want," he whispered. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"Oh, shut up for once, will you?" Seokwoo growled, pulling him close and crashing their lips together. Juho happily obliged and reciprocated the younger's rough kiss. The hand that had tugged Seokwoo close to him slowly slid down the front of the younger's body. He let his hands roam all over Seokwoo's body, taking it all in and memorising it like this was all a dream, and that he was going to wake up at any moment and be disappointed yet again.

Seokwoo nibbling on his lower lip woke him up from the trance and brought him back to reality. Reluctantly, he pulled away with Seokwoo chasing after his lips. The taller man whined at the loss of contact in between his panting, making the older smirk. Juho himself was a panting mess, but he needed to settle the question that's playing in his head first before going back to kissing Seokwoo senselessly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his hands trailing from Seokwoo's abdomen to the younger's sides. Seokwoo shrugged, one corner of his lips tugging into a sad smile.

"I wasn't expecting you to like someone like me," he said, his voice sounding so small in contrast to his height.

"I don't like you," said Juho. A wave of hurt flashed across Seokwoo's face before Juho spoke again. "I love you." Juho gave Seokwoo's lips a peck.

"But I'm... nothing," said Seokwoo in a shaky voice. "People only see me for my looks and height, because I can't do anything right. They- I only depend on that." Juho shook his head in disagreement.

"You're one of the most amazing people that I know," he said, giving another peck to Seokwoo's lips.

"You have a beautiful voice." _Peck_.

"Your personality is really gorgeous." _Peck_.

"You're so sweet and kind to the people around you." _Peck_.

"You're so gentle with me always that it makes me love you even more." _Peck_.

"If people think that you're nothing, Seok, they're dumb assholes. Because you're everything to me."

Juho leaned in to give Seokwoo another peck but the younger met him halfway, giving him a proper kiss. Seokwoo's hands that were wrapped around Juho's neck found their way up to his hair, fingers tangling in the black locks. Long fingers played lazily with Juho's hair that was starting to grow just a little below his ears. The older could taste the salty tears that were streaming down Seokwoo's face, making his cheeks turn deep red from all the kissing and crying.

"God, I love you so much," Seokwoo hiccuped in the middle of their kiss. "I'm so fucking in love with you that it doesn't make sense." Juho could feel his heart swelling at the words that came out of Seokwoo's mouth.

"You love God so much?" he joked, making Seokwoo break the kiss to glare at him. Juho laughed and pulled the young vocalist even closer to him, if that was even possible.

"I hate you sometimes, you know," grumbled Seokwoo while he frowned at Juho, fingers still playing with Juho's hair.

"Yeah, but you still love me," Juho said with a smirk. Seokwoo shrugged, returning the older's smirk with his own.

"True," he said. "I fall for you even more when you have black hair. You look fucking hot." Juho raised an eyebrow at him.

"I thought you said I look soft with my black hair."

"I lied. You actually look really, really hot. Like, damn, babe."

"Hmm, I guess I should keep my black hair more often."

Seokwoo hummed in agreement, playfully tugging at the dark locks, pulling a low moan out of the older. Juho's hand instantly flew to his mouth, a bright shade of pink dusting his pale cheeks. Seokwoo's smirk that had left his face a moment ago returned.

"Woah there, tiger," he quipped. "How about we take things slow?"

Juho removed his hand and frowned at the younger, the pink blush turning to a light shade of red. "You're the one who tugged my hair! You should've known that that would've happened."

"Well, it's definitely something that I'm gonna make use of, that's for sure."

"Shut up." The frown on his face was accompanied by a pout. With a laugh, Seokwoo leaned in and kissed the pout off his face. They kissed lazily till both of their lips were numb and they had no energy left to even stay awake. Eventually, they fell asleep on the couch with Seokwoo curled up in Juho's arms.

*************

After that day, none of the members noticed any difference between the two, because there really wasn't any. They were still always attached to each other, still stole touches when they thought no one would notice, still madly in love with each other. It wasn't until Chani one day caught them not-so-secretly making out on Seokwoo's bed, both of them not exactly fully clothed. The poor boy shrieked while covering his eyes, causing the other members to run to the boy's aid. They stared at the two of them with their jaws hanging, Sanghyuk being the only one smirking. Youngbin frantically covered both Hwiyoung and Chani's eyes while he himself turned away, stammering out random words that made no sense.

Chani refused to talk to either them for a week until the both of them brought Chani out to eat chicken.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending is a bit eh but i seriously have no idea how I’m supposed to end it. Sorry if it’s bad :(


End file.
